When children can’t tell the difference between a want and a need

Jim Fay, co-author of From Innocence to Entitlement: A love and logic cure for the tragedy of entitlement has major concerns about the rapid growth of entitlement in our young people and its threat to the American way of life. He cites the examples below as ways “entitlement beliefs” are debilitating our youth:

High need for goods and services

Low pressure to succeed or hold down jobs

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High amount of time to party

Low amount of time to devote to effort toward accomplishment

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High expectations of others

Low ambition

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High resentment for those who would require them to achieve through study and effort

Low appreciation for the opportunity for an education

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High demand for entertainment and excitement

Low awareness of the sacrifices made by their parents

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High willingness to defy society’s traditional rules and values

Low respect for adults and leaders

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High inclination to find substitute “highs” such as alcohol and drugs

Low respect for society’s traditional rules

The foundation for these beliefs start early in life and parent who fail to set reasonable limits for behavior (including character traits) start this problem. Today’s kids can’t distinguish between a “want” and a “need.”

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY MUST BE REINFORCED!

Kids need to learn how to get what they want through effort and struggle. Parents must set and enforce limits and boundaries. Early education is the key!

Learning for the sake of learning

Immediate gratification is what our children are learning to expect when we know that for all good things you must wait and work hard!

Fortunate are the kids:

• Whose parents let them struggle for, and earn, the things they want.
• Whose parents “match their funds” for large purchases after the child have worked hard to earn his portion.
• Whose parents expect them to be responsible around the house and in school.
• Whose parents set loving limits, give their children reasonable choices and allow consequences for those choices.

In many states we are paying students to learn but we aren’t even paying for professional development opportunities for teachers to learn more and do different for today’s kids. If teachers want to go over and beyond for quality professional development opportunities relative to their needs – they must PAY the conference fees, travel, hotel, meals and either are reimbursed a few weeks after returning or not be reimbursed at all.

Have we asked employers how they will feel about this new “entitlement mindset” becoming a fixture in their workplace?

• Underachievers… doing just enough to get by
• Always expecting something in return for any work done
• Always given so will more than likely wait for more and complain when it is not offered

Are we ever again going to be able to say, “She always goes over and beyond the call of duty”?

Money has a way of bringing out the worst in us… how will we handle the cheating epidemic that will arise?

Children need to learn that you get what you work for and not a check for simply attending and possibly cheating to get more.

Paying students for grades is not teaching it puts more value on money than on personal goals. The reverse of this for teachers is the same – some want to given monetary incentives to teachers for good test scores, which defeats what we know is good for students.

Students don’t go to school for that one test at the end of the year. Students go to school to learn how to study, connect information and make sense of the world we live in. Money, even for teachers, would corrupt the system.

Developing innovative minds

For children we call it creativity, but when it comes to an employee, we call creative minds – “innovative.” Businesses will not make it in today’s global society without a competitive edge and that comes from innovative people on their team.

Follow these sure-fire tips to begin developing your child’s “innovative” mind today:

1. Model creativity in the projects you do – does the grass really ALWAYS have to be colored green?

2. Let go of perfectionism and just enjoy your own creative process. Your children will notice and feel more comfortable trying new things

3. Give your children many opportunities to be creative without concern for the product.

4. Look for process-oriented toys and projects for your children. Finger paints, Lego’s, blocks or play dough can be great fun and develop skills without making your child feel that a certain result is expected.

5. When helping your children make a specific object, like a painting or a puppet, keep things open-ended and leave room for their own creative touches.

6. Give children time to use their imagination in what seems to you to be non-productive ways. Children need to spend hours pretending.

7. Be sure to enjoy being creative alongside of your children.

Early education is the key!

Why is paying kids to learn so bad?

The number one trait 21^st century companies are looking for in their employees is innovation.

Innovation is a creative process where you don’t always succeed the first time. “Learn and earn” type incentive programs imply that learning and test scores are black and white. However, we know those who understand the gray are the real winners in society and in the workplace.

Monetary incentives are out of touch with one of the key factors needed to best promote achievement in children – an intrinsic desire or at least an appreciation for the endeavor of learning.

It takes building an academic culture in schools and homes to nurture this, not building a payment structure.

We must address these questions:

• Why don’t children get intrinsic satisfaction from learning in school?
• How can we fix this failing of education?

Let’s pay our children for those things that would cause them to take more pride in their schools, communities and service organizations. Things like:

• Tutoring younger children
• Cleaning up the school grounds
• Assisting with sports programs for younger students
• Researching healthier menus for our school cafeterias and create plans for implementing them

Back in the day, motivation and reward came intrinsically from a fear of failure. You studied and worked hard because failure simply wasn’t an option. Now we offer numerous choices for those who aren’t bothered by failure – GED programs, alternative schools and summer school to name just a few.

What do bribes teach children?

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The surest way to raise selfish, rude, contentious, unhelpful children is to have low expectations for what they can and should offer the family and community!

Early education is the key!  Teach them to become a responsible citizen who loves to learn and you will not need money or alternative programs for those who fail because they simply will not except failure.

Develop your child’s innovative mind

For children we call it creativity, but when it comes to an employee, we call creative minds – “innovative.” Businesses will not make it in today’s global society without a competitive edge and that comes from innovative people on their team.

Follow these sure-fire tips to begin developing your child’s “innovative” mind today:

1. Model creativity in the projects you do – does the grass really ALWAYS have to be colored green?

2. Let go of perfectionism and just enjoy your own creative process. Your children will notice and feel more comfortable trying new things

3. Give your children many opportunities to be creative without concern for the product.

4. Look for process-oriented toys and projects for your children. Finger paints, Lego’s, blocks or play dough can be great fun and develop skills without making your child feel that a certain result is expected.

5. When helping your children make a specific object, like a painting or a puppet, keep things open-ended and leave room for their own creative touches.

6. Give children time to use their imagination in what seems to you to be non-productive ways. Children need to spend hours pretending.

7. Be sure to enjoy being creative alongside of your children.

Early education is the key!